It's ok not be jolly this Christmas

Christmas is a funny old thing. As children, we absolutely adore the holiday and its festivities of receiving gifts from Santa Clause and being around family. However, as adults, it well and truly bleeds you dry financially. Not only do we leave ourselves poor to live up to the expectations of Christmas shopping, it is also a difficult time if you suffer from some sort of mental illness. There is such an expectation at Christmas to be happy and jolly. But sometimes you simply aren’t. We have so much going on in our lives all year and things can bog us down. Christmas is not exempt from this and I won’t apologise for not being happy. As a woman, I’m kind of tired of constantly justifying my feelings and emotions. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I usually love Christmas. I honestly love buying presents for my loved ones and seeing the joy in everyone. However, 2016 has been a terrible, terrible year. Looking back, I have very little to be thankful for. The world, in general, is in an absolute mess. I watched the news last night and couldn’t believe the events leading up to Christmas: a hijacked lorry crashing into Christmas markets in Berlin, the Russian ambassador to Turkey getting assassinated in Ankara and let’s not forget about the genocide in Aleppo. The world is truly depressing and we’re meant to feel joy? Sorry, but among my personal life and what’s happening in the world, it’s incredibly hard to feel happy, safe and secure, in a world that is in so much turmoil. 

I do try and focus on the good things. I’ve recently moved out into a great flat, I have an adorable kitten and I’m in an awesome relationship. My career is on the right track despite having to sacrifice full-time work to juggle college and a part-time job which doesn’t always pay enough. So basically, I’m getting by OK despite some major setbacks. Things haven’t been easy and it’s difficult constantly picking yourself up time after time. This year has forced me to grow up with many aspects of my life turning to absolute shit. My mental health has suffered terribly because of this year. 

In the words of Kylie Jenner, 2016 has been a year that has made me realise a lot of stuff. Yes, life can be amazing and fun, but on the flipside, it can be dark and miserable. What’s important to understand is that you need to take the bad with the good. We aren’t always going to be happy with our lives and there will be times when we feel we can’t go on. Setbacks will happen and things will not always go our way, but it’s important to have a good support network in your family and friends to help you out. With Christmas less than a week away, I will try and uplift my mood, but I have very little fond memories to look back on in 2016. I’m more looking forward to New Year’s Eve when I’ll be out celebrating the end of 2016 with wine, blissfully welcoming in a better 2017. I honestly pray the world gets its shit together next year. 

Thanks for reading,

Niamh x